The Burden
by Phalanx30
Summary: Illyria gives Wesley a second chance. AU from "Time Bomb"
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing below except the plot. All characters, locations, and concepts are owned under their respective copyrights.

**Spoilers:** Angel through Season 5

**Timeline: **During the season 5 episode "Time Bomb"

The Burden

Chapter 1: Send forth the best ye breed

Wesley was in his office at Wolfram and Hart. The room was in complete disarray, with books and scrolls strewn about absent any organization, and any thought of how it might look to anyone entering the room hadn't even been considered

The man within the room was equally lacking any sense that he was supposed to be the level-headed manager of the Department of Mystical Artifacts and Research. As a green empathic demon had remarked earlier in the day he had his "full strength crazy" running. The reasons for this insanity were many. First, the woman he had loved for years, Fred, who had finally noticed and returned his affection and devotion, had died in his arms. He had been, despite all of his knowledge and the resources at Wolfram and Hart, utterly powerless to save her.

Second, the thing that had killed her, had taken over her body, and had tried to conquer the world. When that proved impossible she, Illyria, had chosen him as her guide. He couldn't even mourn his dear one properly as he was forced to interact with the entity that was, essentially wearing his beloved's body as a suit, on a daily basis. Illyria had this infuriating habit of referring to the body as simply a shell. It was as if he was being punished for something.

That something turned out to be the third reason for his current lunacy. His boss and friend, Angel, had Wesley's and Fred's memories altered to hide the existence of a son Angel had needed to help. All of Angel's other friends who knew about the son had their minds tampered with as well. Wesley had broken the spell that was used in a futile attempt to bring Fred back. The only benefit from regaining his memories was he had more moments of his love to recall. The punishment came in the form of memories that he, Wesley, had taken the son while he was a baby in order to save him from the certainty that his father would eventually kill him. The certainty was false, and Wesley had the baby taken from him in turn by an enemy of the group. The enemy had warped and corrupted the son to such an extent that the boy grew to hate his actual father. For his betrayal, Wesley had been forced from the group he had regarded as family, not to mention his unrequited love.

He was searching for more information about Illyria, whose behavior had become increasingly erratic, and was at his desk when the object of his search entered his office. Wesley looked at her with a deranged smile "Why, Illyria, how are you this fine day."

Illyria cocked her head to the side and spoke in an eerie monotone "Wesley, I am stuck in this inadequate shell and every day this existence suffocates me. If that were all, it would be one of the worst day's I have had since returning."

Wesley stood up and was about to yell at her for referring to Fred's body as deficient in some way when Illyria's comment got through his rage and he asked "What do you mean 'if that were all' is there something that is troubling you?"

Illyria's voice lowered as she stared at him with curiosity. "You are troubling me, Wesley, your grief for the shell still hangs about you like a tattered garment, offering no warmth and letting in a poisonous wind. The shell had experienced this poison before, while she was in the other dimension and again when she was almost pulled through another portal. What is this poison that breaks called?

Wesley smiled again, though it was manic, "Poison that breaks, eh, well it sounds like you think I'm insane. To tell you the truth it would be a welcome reprieve from the grief you say hangs on me. Although, there is no reason why both feelings can't be present at the same time. Does that answer your question?"

Illyria considered this for a moment and then strode over to stand in front of him, staring him down, "Yes and no, this "insane" sounds like another weakness and yet it seems to offer a refuge of some sort for those things that your feeble human mind cannot handle. Wesley, I agreed to abide and remain in this world if you would be my guide and teach me of its ways. How can you aid me when you are broken?"

Wesley started in surprise "Illyria, I don't think I've lost my sense yet. Why do think I have lost it?" at this Wesley chuckled at what he had said and this entire situation.

Illyria snarled "I can see and taste it, as if your wallowing in it unawares, do not presume to question my knowledge."

Wesley sighed "Perhaps you're right."

Illyria's expression softened "Can you be rid of this poison?"

Wesley, growing weary, just regarded Illyria with an oddly somber expression, "In normal circumstances with the right treatments, I suspect I would okay in time." He chuckled again at the sheer absurdity of the statement.

"Is it the loss of the shell and the new memories that have been unlocked that have caused this?" Illyria whispered.

Wesley backed away and sat his desk, once there he gulped "Yes, it is both of those things and more."

"If the shell, Fred, was returned to you, would that cause the poison to abate and enable you to guide me?" Illyria sighed.

Wesley stared at her "Perhaps, but I thought that was impossible, is there a way?

"I am Illyria, shaper of things, there are many ways, I could assume her form and use her voice to ease your pain." As Illyria said this her body shimmered and in a moment was the very image of the woman she had replaced and her voice lilted with a "Hey, Wes..." She didn't get any further as Wesley sprung from his seat and sought to escape this nightmare with a frantic expression.

Illyria moved to block him, and despite his efforts she grabbed him and hauled him back to his chair. Still using Fred's soft voice she inquired "Wesley, what's wrong why're running from me, did something happen to you?"

Wesley had calmed a bit and nearly shouted "Illyria, this can only make things worse for me, knowing it's a lie. Please, if you have any of her memories of me, don't use that form again."

Illyria shimmered back into her blue-hued previous form as she acquiesced "Very well Wesley, it is the shell's memories that have sent me here. I would not see you so broken. Again, there are many ways, I cannot return Fred to you at the present time."

Wesley had a uncomprehending expression of his face. "So I was right, it is impossible."

"Did you not listen, Wesley, I said at this time I cannot do what you wish. However, time is at my beck and call, I walk through it as easily as I could walk across this room." Illyria had moved to stand in front of the desk.

Growing irritated Wesley said "What is the point of this, Illyria, tell me outright so I can get back to my research."

Illyria sighed and straightened up, as if getting ready for a speech "Wesley, I said this shell was inadequate, I was not mocking it, I was stating a fact. I can feel my power growing inside and this form cannot contain it, in a very short time my power will be unleashed in a wave of destruction that will devastate this city and areas beyond."

At this Wesley began looking at a template book in front of him for some way to stop this when Illyria brought him up short "Do not worry about that for the moment, I am weary of this pale shadow of an existence, I wish I had never been returned to the world, at least not now. I wish now that my worshipers had waited until my brethren and I were loosed upon the world in a time eons from now. Finally, I wish that the shell had never experienced this poison that invades you."

Wesley was astonished at the the apparent concern for Fred that Illyria had shown "How are you going to accomplish all of these goals.? Especially the one about Fred?"

Illyria began lecturing him as he were a child "The shell became insane due to the loneliness and isolation she found in the other dimension. You are becoming the same due to the loss of the shell. I would have you go through time and dimension, to provide the shell with company and protection, and thus soothe your wound. Do you understand?"

Wes's shock increased "I would go to Pylea, and change the timeline? It would destroy you if you do this?

Illyria smirked "I am destroyed either way, at least this way I can have a better existence in my true form and without the encumbrance of these human feelings and memories. To quote a film the shell saw, this mission, if you choose to accept it..."

Wesley went from shock and grief to a resigned acceptance and a faint flicker of hope " Illyria, I accept, what would you have me do?

The smirk turned into an otherworldly smile "Thank you, Wesley, you must do these things in payment for what I am giving you. The first is to keep the sh-Fred alive and grounded in Pylea. The second is to see that the Half-breed's son is not taken from him. Finally, the third is to make sure I do not return in any form before my brethren. Now, you must prepare, where do you keep your weapons and supplies?"

Wesley began thinking and responded "There are some things here I will need, we can pick those up, and head to where rest of my stuff is located. Oh and I must make a stop at Fred's apartment."

The smile left Illyria "We must hurry then, this vessel is deteriorating, we have a couple of hours at most in which to begin this."

Wesley grabbed two template books, turned them blank, and led Illyria out of the office with a purposeful and determined stride.

In the hallway outside the office, obscured by shadows, stood a red-eyed, green-skinned demon who was talking into a radio. "Angel, it's Lorne, Bluebird is on the move with Wesley in tow, kinda, and Angel, Wes seems happy, happier than he has been since the walking obituary showed up, something is seriously wrong." The voice on the other end responded with a clipped "Lorne, follow them, figure out where they're going, I'll meet you there with Gunn and Spike, then we'll find out what's going on."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing below except the plot. All characters, locations, and concepts are owned under their respective copyrights.

**Spoilers:** Angel through Season 5

**Timeline: **During the season 5 episode "Time Bomb"

The Burden

Chapter 2: Go bind your sons to exile

Wesley and Illyria were in Fred's apartment. They were more specifically standing in her bedroom. Illyria found it curious that Wesley would come back to this place time and again, it usually caused the grief that merely cloaked him most of the time to consume him in full. Not this time, however, he had the grief covered in some other things. She could taste the decay of the insanity that was slowly breaking him. This was being restrained by a spark of purpose which was lit with that most fickle of human qualities, hope.

Wesley was trying not to be overwhelmed by all the feelings that this room brought forth. It would be so simple to succumb and wallow in the unrelenting misery. The intense woe masked something more horrible. The repeated thought that if this was the result of fighting the good fight, his heartache and Fred's unprecedented obliteration, than the fight itself was worse than useless. That his entire existence was utterly pointless.

This day he had those thoughts under control, or at least they were muffled, by the fact that he was in the place where Fred died to find those things that would help her live once Illyria's plan was complete.

He still had questions for her though, "I know why you're worried about me, what I don't understand is the concern for Fred. Other than her memories, you Illyria have never regarded her with anything but a passing disdain."

Illyria stared and reacted "The shell had a mind that was able to understand this world at its most basic level. There is great power there. I also find the breaking of your mind abhorrent to me. I would not see the shell endure the same. You came here to find items to prevent that."

Wesley nodded in agreement

Illyria smiled, or what she thought of as a smile, "Unfortunately, I cannot send you back to a point before the shell would experience some of what I seek to prevent. If you are with her than you can mend her mind. To do this you will need to provide four things to the shell, protection, company, comfort, and trust."

Wesley remembered something from before "Illyria, when Fred was dying she mentioned the name of something she needed, Feigenbaum, I think it was, do you know what she needed?"

Illyria responded in Fred's voice "Feigenbaum, he's the master of chaos." After this she shifted to her normal, deeper tones "Moreover, it was one of the shell's childhood toys, a white rabbit."

Wesley searched the room and found the small stuffed animal, he hung his head, yet another of his many failures weighing on him, he never even had enough time with Fred to learn these things. He was about to breakdown completely when Illyria grabbed him, slapped him, and snarled "Not now, Wesley, get the other items you came here for, we are running out of time."

Wesley, still stinging from the rough treatment, but with that previous spark of purpose rekindled "Alright, then"

After obtaining all the items they sought at Fred's, personal and otherwise, Illyria took them both to Wesley's place. Her power was increasing and using it for short-range transportation seemed as good an outlet as any. Once there Wesley gathered up the remaining supplies, mostly weapons, that he would need while in Pylea.

He was outfitted with the wrist-mounted collapsible sword and stake combination weapon, a crossbow for long range work, a machete for close in, a last resort dagger, another one-handed medium length sword, and another crossbow. He had considered taking some firearms, but there were a number of problems. The first would be ammunition, or lack thereof. The second was the fact that they were quite noisy and would attract far too much attention. Thirdly, he was worried about what the introduction of such technology would do to Pylean society.

Aside from weaponry he had gathered other supplies such as food, some clothing, both for himself and Fred, and those other things that campers would use to survive in a place that was bereft of modern technology. The most crucial items were the templates he had taken from Wolfram and Hart. He was fully prepared to go, survive, and accomplish the mission Illyria had set for him.

Illyria was getting ready to open the portal when the door to Wesley's place came crashing in. First in was Gunn, weapon in hand, followed by Lorne with the same. Angel and Spike remained outside for the time being. Illyria turned to Wesley and said "Allow the half-breeds to enter, I wish to speak with them" Wesley in turn addressed the two vampires "You can come in, I guess I should have said something earlier, there just wasn't time."

"Wes, what's going on, Lorne tells me your aura changed since you left your office and why do you look like you're going for a long wilderness hike?" Angel inquired as he moved closer to Wesley. Wesley pleasantly responded "Well, Illyria offered to send me back in time so I could see Fred again, Illyria thinks I am going insane you see. As to the kit I have, Lorne how cold does it get in Pylea?"

Lorne blinked in surprise " Well with the two suns, it stays pretty warm during the day. Even the winter isn't that bad, a lot like here actually. At night though, think cold, I mean really cold. Like you could wake up to a winter wonderland if it rains."

Angel interjected "Wait, did you just say this demon-god will send you back in time just to see the woman you love? I don't buy it Wes, she probably just wants you out of the way so it'll be easier to deal with the rest of us later." To which Illyria snarled "You know nothing..." but Wesley cut her off "Angel, it doesn't matter either way, we're all dead anyway. I just don't care anymore. Besides, if she wanted to kill me she could have easily done it back at the office."

Angel stopped, his eyes shifting between Illyria and Wesley "What do you mean we're all dead anyway? Are you just being philosophical, or is something going on right now?

Wesley smiled, glanced at Illyria, and responded "I am being perfectly literal and immediate here, Illyria here is essentially a walking thermonuclear weapon." He addressed Illyria "What is your estimate of the range of the explosion?"

Illyria smirked in turn "Comparing the release of my power to those pathetic human attempts at destruction is laughable, I am more like a force of nature. Using the shell's knowledge I calculate that my power would have four times the explosive force of the largest such 'weapon' that humans have made."

Spike interjected at this point "Bloody hell, I remember what she's talking about, that huge bomb in Russia, everything out to fifty miles, just flat. I felt the rumblings of it and I was in the States at the time." Angel was horrified "That means most of southern California would be destroyed, Wes, stop smiling, don't you think this is something we should try and stop, or have you been so blinded by this 'offer' of Illyria's that you are willing to risk millions of lives. I know you're hurting because of Fred, we all are, but she wouldn't want either of these things." Spike and Gunn winced at this last comment as they both had a hand in her death.

Wesley laughed at this point "Hurting, you think I am hurting do you, I honestly don't know what I am going through here but I can assure you it goes beyond pain and grief. Do you remember what I told you when you asked me about Nina?"

Angel did indeed remember, he realized that Wesley wasn't talking about Angel and Nina, he was talking about himself and Fred when he said if there was someone who made the world worth fighting for that person should do something about it. "I'm sorry Wes, it's just this situation has got all of us on edge." Angel was also considering the plans he had set in motion since Cordelia had left him with a final vision of the real power behind Wolfram & Hart. "Wes, let's see what you are going through, Lorne would you be willing to do a reading?"

Lorne hesitated before answering, he recalled the last time he had heard someone sing, It was Fred right before she collapsed from the thing that killed her. He had seen so much pain and sheer horror in that brief tune he wasn't sure he wanted to see what Wesley would show him. "Angel-cakes, I guess I could," he looked at Wesley "Okay, Wes, what about you, will you sing? And please nothing by the Stones."

Wesley lost his smile but said "Of course Lorne, I've got nothing to hide anymore." He cleared his throat and began singing. Lorne had to admit he had gotten better since the first time he came into Caritas years ago with Cordy and Gunn. Lorne hummed the melody of the song quietly.

"_Take that look of worry, mine's an ordinary life  
Working when it's daylight  
And sleeping when it's night  
I've got no far horizons  
I don't wish upon a star  
They don't think that I listen  
Oh but I know who they are _

_Seems so long I've been waiting  
Still don't know what for  
There's no point escaping  
I don't worry anymore  
I can't come out to find you  
I don't like to go outside  
They can't turn off my feelings  
Like they're turning off a light _

_So take, take me home."_

Lorne waved him off at this point, his eyes were glistening with un-shed tears and a sympathetic look graced his face. "Surprising choice there cupcake, I figured you for a Beatles kind of a guy. Angel, don't worry about Illyria, she is not trying to kill him, she really is going to send him to Pylea, and he really needs to go."

Lorne said this because he had seen the man's aura. He had glimpsed it when Fred had sung her last song. The Wesley he had seen at that point had been filled with love, and something Lorne hadn't seen before, a certain kind of peace with his place and purpose in the world.

The man standing before him had almost none of that left, the love was still there but it was hollow. It was wrapped and mixed in with a deep grief, the likes of which Lorne had only seen a few times before. The fates of those overwhelmed souls had never lasted very long and always ended with their utter destruction. He had tried to help them, to halt what he had seen, and he had always failed. This kind of grief would not allow for consolation and it wouldn't abate in time. Lorne could see he might be able to help this time.

"Wes, I hope I see you again, if you sing then I will know you again, oh and stay lost for a while, you're going to need time for many things. By the way if you need help while you are there my cousin Landok might be an option, he appreciates a good hunt or joust. If you can kill stuff you'll get along great with him."

The 'many things' comment was meant for the other part of Wesley that Lorne had seen. It was like looking at a pane of glass that had been shattered and yet still remained in place. He had seen this before as well, though the people that showed this usually ended up in the news the next day with some heinous murder or robbery, or they ended up jumping off a high rise building. Lorne didn't think Wesley was suicidal, though maybe this latest thing with Illyria was his attempt at it.

Wesley considered this for a moment "Thank you, Lorne, hopefully I'll show you something different when next we meet."

Angel stepped in at this point "Wait, wait, wait. So, what its already been decided, what about the impending explosion of Illyria here, are we just going to ignore that?

Illyria answered "You are foolish, when Wesley goes through the portal..." at this she flung her hand out and a swirling mass of blue-tinged energy appeared, which caused a slight wind in the room. "He will change the timeline irrevocably, if he keeps his end of the bargain I will not exist in my current form, so you need not worry about that."

Wesley stared at everyone around the room considering Illyria's words and decided to end things without a parting word, there wasn't much more to say. He turned towards the portal and was about to step into it when Angel had a thought "Wes, wait, when you meet me again you had better make sure I know about Holtz."

Wesley returned "Of course, Angel." He turned to Gunn and Spike "Spike, I wanted to thank you for saving Fred from Pavayne, for all the good it did." Spike was taken aback "What's all this about, if you go through that rabbit hole, none of this will happen, just when you see me again, give me something I can bet on, maybe if I had a stake I coulda done things differently." At this point Gunn chimed in "Hey Wes, time's a wastin' here, and you better not get killed out there." Wesley smiled at his friend "I'll try Gunn, maybe we won't meet again, I guess we'll just have to see."

With that he went through the portal. Several things happened all at once, the apartment was bathed in a changing light which removed everyone and everything from the place and replaced it with different furniture and various things that turn a place into a home, with pictures of unfamiliar faces and the family that lived there going about their day as normal.

–-

Four and and a half years ago

On a dusty highway somewhere near the Arizona-California border a leather-clad motorcycle rider was on the trail of a demon he had last picked up in Phoenix. His journey was to remain unfinished as he was encompassed by a ring of blue-tinged smoke that suddenly coalesced and contracted inward. Before the demon hunter had time to consider what this was, the ring had snapped him out of existence with a sharp and very loud crack. The bike careened out of control and ended up twisted and wrecked on the side of the road. Authorities who later arrived to remove the bike tried to find it's rider, but never did find him or what there should have been of his body.

In Los Angeles, a balance demon gifted with visions from the Powers That Be, received a cryptic one about a man out of time and a face to go along with the title. He didn't know the man or the location in which he was shown, which included two suns, and so would have waved the vision aside had not there been a caution about sacrifice and redemption, that he did not have do the one to receive the other.

Seers and psychics the world over felt the impending arrival of someone new and old at the same time. Some of their predictions and prophecies were made invalid. Others were modified to incorporate this person.

In a cave in Pylea, a young woman was scared and intrigued at the same time by the swirling mass of energy that resembled the portal that had brought her there. What was strange was that it did not pull at her like the other had, in fact when she approached it she could only get within a certain distance before she was stopped. She figured out that it had to be open for a reason, if she couldn't go in, that meant something was going to come out. She wanted to be ready when it did, she did not expect whatever it was to be friendly. Bad things always happened here.

Wesley felt the pull and heard the noise of the portal. The passage was surprisingly smooth '_Leave it to Illyria to improve upon portal travel' _he thought even as he was passing through time and dimension. It was quick too, as he soon found himself stepping out of the portal into a dimly lit cave whose walls were covered in writing made with chalk. '_Fred's cave, I actually made it, well now to...' _his thought was interrupted as he felt a sharp pain at the back of his head, and the last thing he saw was the cave floor rushing up to meet him.


End file.
